


Ryan the Hamlet Guy

by Aevilok



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, GTA AU, Gen, Immortal FAHC, Oneshot, again for obvious reasons, cause ya know, immortal!Geoff, immortal!Ryan, some violence and shit, swears, theater nerd!Ryan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 07:47:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11642121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aevilok/pseuds/Aevilok
Summary: Geoff and Ryan get kidnapped and Ryan gets shot. In the aftermath, Geoff has doubts about why he ever hired the idiot that is the Vagabond.





	Ryan the Hamlet Guy

After that one time he and Jeremy had gotten kidnapped together, Geoff would have told you that there is no one he would hate to get taken with more. For hours he had been forced to listen as Jeremy dramatically recited the entire script of the Bee movie. As if that in and of itself wasn’t bad enough, every time Jeremy reached the end, he would begin again, in a new language. 

Geoff made it through the English version, the French version, and half way through the Italian version before he had asked their captors to shoot him in the head. Of course, being immortal, it wouldn’t have been a permanent solution, but at least he would’ve gotten to take a nap. Before they could take him up on his offer though, the rest of the crew had arrived at the base and broke them out.

Geoff had been sure that no experience could top that, but now, here he was, trapped with Ryan, and he found himself missing it. In front him, Ryan was knelt on the ground, blood blooming around a bullet wound in his chest. Their captors had thought that by shooting Ryan in front of Geoff, his death might shake Geoff up enough to get him to say something.

They were of course wrong. Even if the bullet had actually killed Ryan, Geoff would never have caved. He was the leader of the most ruthless gang in Los Santos, it would take a lot more than killing his companion in front of him to get him to talk. And god did Geoff wish the bullet had actually killed Ryan, because then he would be spared from watching the scene that was unfolding in front of him.

The moment after he had been shot, Ryan had dramatically clutched his chest and fallen to his knees. There he sat now, only rather than pretending to be dead, like they had all agreed to do in front of strangers, the bastard was going on a fucking monologue. It sounded like Shakespeare, Hamlet or something, if Geoff wasn’t mistaken. 

“Heaven make thee free of it. I follow thee – I am dead, Horatio. – Wretched queen, adieu!” 

Geoff was the first person in the room to react, their captors being too confused to react. “Ryan, what.”

Ryan just continued on, ignoring Geoff. “You that look pale and tremble at this chance, that are but mutes or audience to this act, had I but time –”

“Ryan, what the fuck.”

“As this fell sergeant, Death, is strict in his arrest, O, I could tell you – But let it be. Horatio, I am dead –”

“Then just fucking die already.”

“And in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain to tell my story!” With a dramatic gasp, Ryan collapsed to the ground and proceeded to make the most unbelievable death groan. 

Silence filled the room and all Geoff could think to say was, “Was that fucking Hamlet?”

Ryan immediately sat back up and turned to Geoff with an excited grin on his face, “Yeah, I had that role back when I was in theatre in college, and I’ve been dying to stretch my acting chops.”

“Here’s a hint, how about when dying, you stay fucking dead, yeah?”

“Oh, right, my bad.” With even more fervor than last time, Ryan loudly gasped and clutched his chest, falling back against the floor, tongue lolling out for good measure as he let out his dying groans. Geoff seriously needed to consider why he had ever thought hiring this moron was a good idea.

“Hey, Rye, buddy, that was more of a tip for next time, I’m pretty sure our friends here already know that you didn’t die from that bullet.”

At this, Ryan sat up again, more slowly this time, a sheepish look on his face. “Right. Sorry.”

Geoff sighed audibly and looked over at the two men standing in the room with them. They looked appropriately horrified for what they had just seen. Thankfully they were too shocked to let out any cries for backup, at least not yet at least. Geoff knew it was only a matter of time before they would be screaming their heads off and then this mess would be even bigger.

Turning his tired gaze back on Ryan, he said, “Would you hurry your ass up and free me already. I’m to go home and spend hours reading anything to help me forget this day.”  
Ryan nodded and as he turned from Geoff to their captors, Geoff saw his walls slide in place. By the time he was on his feet and facing away from Geoff, he had already hidden away Ryan, the awkward theater nerd, and donned the familiar mask of the Vagabond. That much was obvious from the looks on their faces.

The fear of imminent death finally loosened their tongues but by then it was too late. Geoff leaned his head back and rested his eyes as their screams filled the small concrete room, a sigh of relief leaving him.

He opened his eyes again when he felt Ryan cutting through the zipties securing him to the chair. This is why he had hired the Vagabond. He was efficient. And Geoff planned to make full use of that efficiency now. He hadn’t been kidding when he said all he wanted to do was leave and go back to the penthouse and read a book that would take him far away from Ryan and his moronic Hamlet recital.

He took one of the guns Ryan had taken from the guards corpse and met the other man’s eyes. “Let’s get the fuck out of here, Hamlet.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know I haven't updated either of my other stories but I feel kinda stuck in the Hybrid AU and I've been so focused on trying to do that one that I haven't touched my pride fic. This is just a short little fic about an idea I got after being inspired by a tumblr post. It was mostly done so I decided to polish it off today just so I could get something out. It's not perfect, but it's as good as I think it's gonna get. Enjoy and as always, comments and constructive criticism is always appreciated.


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